


Heather

by supersmashbro



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Based off of Heather, Changbin and Felix are mentioned like once, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hwang Hyunjin is a Sweetheart, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Oblivious, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Song Lyrics, Stream Heather by Conan Gray, Suicide, hyunsung are best friends, idk what else to tag, jisung deserves better - Freeform, jisung is sad, like one swear word, no happy ending, side banginho, side hyunsung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23292784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supersmashbro/pseuds/supersmashbro
Summary: Jisung loves Minho.Minho doesn’t love Jisung.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 6
Kudos: 99





	Heather

**Author's Note:**

> This took me forever and it’s currently 3 am oops. 
> 
> n e ways
> 
> This is a song fic based off of Conan Gray’s song Heather. I highly recommend listening to it while you read <3
> 
> Also I’m too lazy to proofread it so if there’s errors I’m sorry lmao

_I still remember_   
_Third of December_   
_Me in your sweater_   
_You said it looked better_   
_On me, than it did you_   
_Only if you knew_   
_How much I liked you_

Jisung pouts to himself as he tries to warm himself up. They were in the middle of filming for an episode of talker and the brunet had forgotten his heavy jacket. It was an early morning in December, making the coldness nip at his skin more that usual and his regret of forgetting his jacket grow.

"Ah hyung, I'm so cold~" Jisung's teeth chatter as he talks to Changbin. The elder laughs at him and shrugs.

"Nothing I can do for you. I gave Lix my jacket." Changbin responds but pulls Jisung into his arms for a few seconds to provide a little bit of warmth.

"Of course you did, hyung," Jisung sighs out and wiggles away from Changbin. He scans over the rooftop where they were filming for anyone with an extra layer to spare. His eyes focus of Minho, who was wrapped up in a scarf and had a jacket and white sweater on. The rapper lets his feet drag him over to Minho and he wraps his arms around the elders waist to get his attention.

"Lee Know hyung~" Jisung whines out and nuzzles his head into Minho's neck. "I'm so cold. Please spare a layer."

Minho chuckles softly at the younger and turns towards him. "I should let you freeze for being irresponsible!"

Jisung whines again and tightens his grip on Minho's waist. His body involuntarily shivering from the cold. A soft sigh escapes Minho's mouth and he pushes Jisung away from him. Jisung's head falls thinking he failed but perks up as Minho unwraps his scarf. The elder sets it on the ground and peels over his thick jacket and sets it on the ground too. Minho quickly peels off his fluffy sweater and hands it to Jisung. Jisung smiles gratefully and pulls it over his thin long sleeve he was wearing.

"You're lucky you look better in that than me," Minho says as he pulls back on his coat. Jisung's face turns a soft pink color and he hides his face in his hands.

"Thank you, Minho hyung." Jisung says to his crush, his face still buried in his hands

"Anytime."

_But I watch your eyes, as she_   
_Walks by_

_Two weeks later_

Jisung grabs onto Minho's arm jokingly, smiling at the elder. He was trying so hard to get some attention- attention he could usually get from the dancer- but was failing miserably.

"Minho hyung~" Jisung sings out while softly tugging on the dancers sleeve. He was started to feel embarrassed for how much he was bothering the elder, but he needed some sort of reassurance that Minho still liked his company.

Lately Minho had been less affectionate with the younger, almost like he was trying to push him away. It was bothering Jisung so much and was throwing him off balance. He never would admit it aloud but Minho was his rock. He basically depended on him and the way he could handle Jisung. Minho had a special talent when it came to Jisung. He could calm him down just as much as he could fire him up and knew Jisung like the back of his hand. He could see right through him. And although Jisung would never admit it to anyone, let alone himself, he was in love with the elder.

"What do you want?" Minho asks, his voice anything but reassuring. Jisung tensed up then let his hands fall down to his sides.

"Just wanted to see if you wanted to go to the movies with me. Heard there's a new comedy out and we always go see comedies toget- hyung?" Jisung stopped mid-sentence when he realized Minho wasn't even trying to listen to him. He was staring behind him, his eyes soft and full of love. Jisung turns arond and his heart drops.

Minho was staring at Chan.

  
_What a sight for_   
_Sore eyes_   
_Brighter than a_   
_Blue sky_   
_She's got you_   
_Mesmerized_

"Hyung, are you even listening to me?" Jisung asks, trying to get Minho's attention. Minho doesn't even spare him a glance and Jisung sighs in defeat.

The rapper quickly decides to remove himself from the situation and stands up from his seat. His eyes lock with Minho's and he watches as they turn from love to anger.

"Sorry for bothering," Jisung mutters and walks out of the living room.

_While I die_

Jisung didn't know why he was expecting Minho to follow him. But his heart still sunk when he didn't hear footsteps behind him as he stormed off to Hyunjin's room.

_Why would you ever kiss me?_   
_I'm not even half as pretty_

Hyunjin perked up as Jisung walks into his room but his happy smile disappears once he notices the tears run down Jisung's cheeks. He immediately runs over to the younger and wraps his arms around him reassuringly. "Let it out, Ji."

The two end up cuddling in Hyunjin's bed, Jisung's head nuzzled into the crook of the elders neck. The youngers tears were dampening Hyunjin's shirt but the elder didn't mind, this fingers playing with Jisung's hair.

"Is this about Minho?" Hyunjin asks once Jisung's sobs turn into small hiccups. Jisung barely nods, his hand that was grabbing at Hyunjin's shirt tightening into a fist. Hyunjin brings one of his hands to Jisung's chin and tilts it up so the younger is looking at him. "I love you, you know that right?"

Jisung smiles weakly at Hyunjin and nods. "I love you too."

"And you know I will always tell you the truth, correct?" Hyunjin asks, his hand that wasn't on Jisung's chin playing his the ends of the youngers hair. Jisung nods. "You need to move on from him. I know you love him, but he doesn't love you. I know it's a slap in the face, but you need to hear it."

Jisung feels the tears start to form in his eyes again and he nods weakly at Hyunjin. The elder frowns at the younger and wipes the fresh tears off his face. He presses a small kiss to Jisung's forehead. "You deserve better."

"But I want him." Jisung whispers and finally gives into his bodys need to sleep. Hyunjin frowns at the sleeping boy and pulls him closer.

_You gave her your sweater_   
_It's just polyester, but you like her better_   
_Wish I were Heather_

_A few days later_

"Jisung-ah!" Minho yells as he searches around his room. Jisung quickly appears in the doorway, his smile wide and eyes shining with happiness.

Him and Hyunjin had just went out for a walk and ended up seeing this really cute dog. Hyunjin of course had started saying how Khami was cuter and ended up dropping his ice cream that they had gotten- yes it was December. They didn't care- which had left Jisung a wheezing mess and Hyunjin pouting.

"Yes, hyung?" Jisung asks. Minho stares at him for a second in confusion. He hadn't seen Jisung so happy in weeks.

"Why are you so happy?" Minho asks, scanning the younger up and down. Jisung falters for a second at the harshness in Minho's voice but quickly shakes it off.

"Am I not allowed to be happy?" Jisung snaps back. Minho tenses up at Jisung's attitude and rolls his eyes.

"Do whatever you wish, I could care less." Minho fights back. Jisung feels a small blow to his heart and backs out of the door. He wasn't going to let Minho crush his good mood.

"Wait," Minho calls out. Jisung perks up a bit, hoping that maybe Minho would want to go for a walk or go shopping or anything. "Have you seen my sweater? I'm going out with Chan and I know he likes it."

Jisung's smile completely falls into a frown. That hurt in an unexplainable way. He could feel Minho's eyes on him and he shrugs. "I haven't."

Jisung knew exactly where Minho's sweater was. It was in Chan's room as the latter had been wearing it the day before.

"Damn, do you have a shirt I could wear then?" Minho asks. Jisung was obviously confused by what Minho said and it showed because Minho giggled.

Oh how Jisung missed his laugh.

"I don't understand you, hyung." Jisung says, his voice monotone. Minho frowns at Jisung's tone and walks toward the younger. Before Minho could reach him, Hyunjin skids next to Jisung and grabs onto him to keep himself from face planting into the floor. Hyunjin laughs and Jisung quickly joins in.

"Ah Hyunjin! You scared me!" Jisung giggles and helps Hyunjin stand up without slipping.

"That was the point!" Hyunjin chimes and smiles at Jisung. Jisung smiles back and subconsciously leans into Hyunjin's touch.

"Get a room," Minho mutters and storms past them. Jisung frowns again as he watched Minho walk into Chan's room. His heart drops and Hyunjin quickly pulls him into a hug.

"Let's cuddle, Ji." Hyunjin offers and tries to tug Jisung towards the living room. Jisung doesn't move and his head hands low.

"I think I'm gonna nap for a bit." Jisung mutters and walks away from Hyunjin. He finds his bed quickly and flops down with a sigh. Why couldn't him and Minho be close again?

_Watch as she stands with_   
_Her holding your hand_   
_Put your arm 'round her shoulder_   
_Now I'm getting colder_

_Three weeks later_

Jisung watches as Chan playfully climbs onto Minho. Although Minho was acting like he hated it, Jisung could see right through him. Minho was bathing in the affection.

"Jisung~" Felix pokes at Jisung's cheeks, his voice barely above a whisper. "You're staring at Minho hyung."

Jisung snaps out of his daze and thanks Felix with a nod. Felix places his hand on Jisung's knee and rubs circles, causing Jisung to relax. Jisung was always anxious when it came to doing vlives and usually Minho was there to comfort him. But he wasn't this time.

"Jisung-ah," Minho whines out and all of the members eyes snap towards Minho and then to Jisung. "C'mere!"

Jisung almost gives in but shakes his head. He could feel Hyunjin lean closer to him and he smiles gratefully at him. "I am not moving for you, hyung."

The rapper had tried to make his voice sound as jokingly as he could but frowned when Minho stood up and walked over to him. "Ah what're you doing?"

Minho smirks then sits down on Jisung, wrapping his arms around the younger. Jisung sighs and tries to push him off but fails.

"Accept my love Sungie~" Minho whines out. Jisung makes eye contact with Hyunjin and he could tell the latter was angry. Who did Minho think he was? Ignoring Jisung for almost a month straight then randomly deciding he wanted his affection back.

"Jisungie was cuddling with me," Hyunjin chimes, earning himself a glare from Minho.

"Well now he's cuddling with me," Minho counters and pulls Jisung closer to him. Jisung sighs in defeat and lets his body get pulled towards Minho's.

The vlive continues and ends soon enough and Minho immediately retreats away from Jisung. The latter wasn't surprised- he had figured that Minho was just cuddling with him to not worry Stays- and he quickly finds Hyunjin. A small shiver runs up his back as he realizes how cold the room was without Minho's warmth.

"I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is," Hyunjin says once the two were out of earshot of the rest of the boys. They had decided before the vlive that they'd go out and get coffee after the vlive was done and they were sticking to it.

"I don't know either," Jisung sighs out. He absentmindedly laces his fingers with Hyunjin's as they walk out of the dorm.

_But how could I hate her?_   
_She's such an angel_

_The Next Day_

Jisung walks into the practice room quickly, curious as to why Chan had wanted to speak with him. He almost immediately spots the blond sprawled out on the ground and lays down next to him.

"Hello hyung," Jisung greets Chan. Chan nods at him, acknowledging his presence. "Why did you want to talk to me?"

"How have you been?" Chan starts, turning his head to face Jisung.

"Decent? Stressed but that's usual," Jisung responds truthfully. He had been feeling pretty good lately, all the time he spent with Hyunjin making him feel better about himself.

"Do you need to talk about anything at all? I am here for you, y'know?" Chan states. Jisung was starting to realize why he was called to talk to Chan. The younger used to talk to Chan everyday about his mental health when he had been going through a bad state. But he had started to stop once his mental health got better. Chan was just checking up on him.

"I've been doing really good, Chan hyung. My anxiety hasn't been impacting me much lately. And Jinnie has been helping me when it does get to me."

"That's good Ji. I'm glad you're doing better."

"I am too."

_But then again, kinda_   
_Wish she were dead, as she_

"Me and Minho have been worried about you," Chan adds on. "He seems rather jealous that you've been hanging with Hyunjin so much recently if you ask me."

Jisung could feel the smallest bit of hope form in his heart. Minho jealous? No way.

"You're lying, hyung," Jisung jokes, adding a laugh at the end to make it more believable. He fakes a smile and hugs Chan. "Thanks for this."

_Walks by_   
_What a sight for_   
_Sore eyes_   
_Brighter than a_   
_Blue sky_   
_She's got you_   
_Mesmerized_   
_While I die_

_That night_

Jisung watches with sad eyes as Minho laughs at something Chan had said. He craved to be in Chan's position, to be loved by Minho. He was sick of the one-sided love he felt for Minho. He wanted it to end.

_Why would you ever kiss me?_   
_I'm not even half, as pretty_   
_You gave her your sweater_   
_It's just polyester, but you like her better_   
_I wish I were Heather_

Jisung was sobbing into Hyunjin's chest as the older plays with his hair and rubs his back. The elder was singing to him in attempt to calm him down but it was failing. Jisung's sobs weren't halting and they were so strong the younger could barely breathe.

"Why am I not good enough for him?" Jisung cries out between sobs, his voice surprisingly loud for the time of night. "Why can't he love me back?"

Hyunjin pulls Jisung closer to him that he already was and sits them both upright. "Jisung you need to breathe."

The youngers sobs weren't stopping, instead getting louder. Hyunjin was starting to get anxious, worried Jisung was going to pass out. He didn't know what to do.

"Jisung listen to me," Hyunjin says as he grabs Jisung's chin. "You have to calm down or everyone's gonna wake up."

Jisung stared into Hyunjin's eyes and tries to stop the sobs that were escaping his lips. Hyunjin starts to hum softly to the younger and his hands find the youngers hair again.

"Jinnie I'm so sorry," Jisung mumbles. Jisung shoves Hyunjin away from him and bolts out of the room. He didn't know where he was going to go, but he needed to get out.

_Wish I were Heather_

The brunet's legs carry him through the dorm and he ignores his members calls. He didn't stop to get anything, leaving his phone and shoes behind in the dorm.

Jisung races through the hall that was outside the dorm and towards the nearest staircase. He climbs it as fast as he could and finds himself on the roof of the dorm building. The cold air hit him by surprise and he breathes it in. His sobs weren't stopping though.

_Wish I were Heather_

Jisung walks calmly towards the edge of the building, taking in the view. The city was so mesmerizing at night. The way the lights twinkled caught Jisung's eye and his sobs start to calm down. They reminded him of Minho's eyes.

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

Jisung lets out an angry groan once he realizes that his thoughts were once again on Minho. Why couldn't he get over him? Why was it so hard?

The rapper decides irrationally to sit on the edge of the building and quickly finds himself with his feet dangling off the side. He smiles to himself at the feeling of being so close to death, something he'd been wanting to feel for months.

_I'm not even half as pretty_

Jisung watches the people on the street walk by without a single clue he was up there. He knew that once his mind was clear, he'd be too scared to remain where he was so he was taking advantage of it. Everyone on the streets looked so peaceful and Jisung wished he could be like that.

But he thought the only way he could reach peace was to be without Minho. And there was only one way to do that.

_You gave her your sweater_

"Jisung-ah, what're you doing over there?" a voice cuts through the almost silent night. Jisung's head snaps from the street over to the doorway that lead to the building and immediately regretted it. Minho was staring at him, obviously scared of the height and whatever Jisung was doing.

"Nothing hyung~" Jisung sings out, his eyes focused back on the street. He could feel hot tears start to pour down his cheeks again and he smiles sadly. He needed to reassure Minho he was going to be okay.

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

"Jisung come here," Minho instructs, his voice staggering from fear.

"Why should I?" Jisung snaps back and laughs chillingly. Minho gave him a confused look so Jisung continues. "Do you even care about my, hyung? If I weren't here, you'd be with Chan and you'd be happy. I'm just an obstacle you were forced to deal with."

"Jisung you know that isn't true-"

"Oh but it is!" Jisung interrupts. "You like Chan more than me. God how I wish I was him."

Minho was starting to slowly make his way towards Jisung in hopes he could grab him before he did anything stupid.

"Jisung please," Minho begs, tears starting to fall down his cheeks.

"Leave me alone." Jisung sneers and scoots towards the edge slightly.

"Jisung-"

"Go hyung." Jisung tries to instruct, but his tone comes off more as a beg.

"I'm not going, Jisung. Let me help you," Minho begs, his outstretched arm only inches away from Jisung.

"There's no helping me." Jisung says, his voice barely audible. Jisung let his body tip towards the edge. Minho's lunges towards him, but he's too late.

_Wish I were_

Jisung was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow you actually read it all. Congratulations! How did you like it? This is my first time publishing on Ao3 lmao so I barely know what I’m doing


End file.
